Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a “perfect” marriage simply because your flesh and the devil work together to inhibit God’s progress. However, you can have an ideal marriage if BOTH parties keep the relationship holy and centered on Jesus.

In the beginning, God created Adam and said that it was not good for man to be alone. He then removed a rib from Adam’s side in order to create Eve. Then God said, “Whatsoever God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” One of the key things to making a marriage work is to let no man put it asunder. This includes yourselves or ANY outside influences. This requires the highest level of commitment from both parties. The marriage is already doomed if either party has any inkling of a belief that divorce is always an option! Plus, it may be necessary to rebuke any “friends” or family (mothers-in-law) who wish to give unsolicited and/or unholy advice. This also means to keep your marriage private: don’t dishonor each other by making your quarrels public unless agreed upon to seek Godly council. In other words, don’t do or say anything publicly that embarrasses the union: “We’ll talk about that later,” is all anyone needs to know. If necessary, remove yourselves from company in order to settle an immediate issue. The Bible says to NOT let the sun go down on your wrath. In other words, make every day a NEW day.

Now let’s talk about dating. First of all, dating is not any Scriptural part of the marital process. Dating, for the most part, does nothing more than lead to illegitimate passions. (We will discuss premarital “relations” in a moment.) The Jews had two basic customs for getting married, both of which have spiritual significance, and both may seem to be extremely barbaric by today’s western society. First of all, women had their bat mitzvah at the age of twelve and could be married anytime after that. Men, on the other hand, entered into manhood at the age of twelve beginning with their bar mitzvah, but they were not considered men until the age of thirty. (This is why you would easily see marriages that were multiples of years apart. Abraham and Sarah being ten years apart were actually close in age by normal standards.) A lot of marriages were prearranged sometimes while the females were yet infants, however, naturally, she would remain with her parents until sometime after her bat mitzvah. Some of these prearranged marriages were done by proxy where the father would send out a servant with specific instructions to find a bride for his son. Other engagements were formed by a man seeing a woman he desired and going to her father to haggle a deal for her hand (the usual agreed price was 30 pieces of silver). She would then signify agreement by drinking wine from a preset chalice. In either case, the man had to go build a house for them and could not collect his bride until his father said he was ready. In other words, financial stability was already established before the marriage took place providing the new bride with a strong sense of security. Finally, after the marriage took place, the honeymoon would usually last for a year so that the new couple could become acclimated to each other. So, in short, option one is prearrangement by parents, and option two is, “I see her, I want her, I haggle for her with her father,” then she accepts by drinking wine (no wine, no acceptance). As you can see, dating wasn’t even a part of their vocabulary. I personally believe it is crucial to seek God for your ordained mate and then have that relationship approved of and confirmed by both sets of parents.

In today’s society, those customs seem absolutely ludicrous at best. You better not catch a thirty year old man marrying a twelve year old girl, parents prearranging marriages, or men purchasing wives. However, their core principles were tried and true, timeless, and carried a treasure trove of God’s blessing. Back then, children were taught respect with a high standard of morals and a strong sense of the family unit, and sons, in particular, were taught strong leadership skills and how to be fervent in business. Today, children are taught to be “independent” under a “bird” theology that says, “Kick them out of the nest as soon as possible: they’ll learn to fly on their own,” and left to public schools who deny God and say, “Any sex is okay as long as you use a condom.” Tragically, most of these children grow up only to end up in prison or under the oppressive worldly system of government subsidies, and even the flew who do become “successful” say that they either don’t need God or have some skewed perception of God.

From the beginning, God created husband and wife to become a family with the man being the head of the home and carrying the vision for the family. Everybody (including the children) were to work together sharing in this vision. God did NOT design the family to be a bunch of individuals living under the same roof with Dad being the slave to accomplish their goals. Even the term, “individual”, means: divided from others. Keep in mind that a family walking in true unity of a Godly vision can NOT be stopped. God called husband and wife into a holy union, NOT an unholy division! Imagine, if you would, unified families working together under the headship of a pastor in the local church, unified pastors working together under the apostolic leadership of the body of Christ, and the unified body of Christ working together under the leading of Jesus and the Holy Ghost as the bride of Christ. How unstoppable would the church be with that kind of unity? However, it all starts with the family.

By God’s design, this holy union begins with a virgin woman giving herself to her husband through the honeymoon experience. The bleeding from her first encounter marks the beginning of a lifelong blood covenant. Remember this statement: when this happens, the woman then becomes physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually acclimated to the man. This blood covenant is what makes the beginning of the ideal marriage.

Only one time in my life have I witnessed the wedding of a young woman who saved herself for the honeymoon of a God-ordained marriage. Typically, all girls wish to save themselves for the right “one”. Then one day, along comes a young man who convinces her that he’s her “forever” guy, and she gives in to his constant badgering. Not long after, the relationship sours because sex changes people (sin always causes damage). When the breakup happens, the woman goes away feeling used and completely worthless after losing the only thing that made her feel valuable. She usually ends up living a promiscuous life taking her bitterness from one broken relationship to the next. Only a God encounter with Jesus can make her feel whole again. However, Ladies, I can guarantee 2 things: one is if a man is pressuring you for sex, he is not the right man for you and two is if you are using sex in order to trap a man, then you are begging for a horrible marriage! Any sex outside of a God-ordained marriage causes unfathomable damage. God knows this, which is why He told us not to do it.

Once again, let’s go back to the beginning. Like I said before, God ordained man to be the head. But, when Adam sinned by following his wife’s advice to do what God had already told him not to do, he inadvertently relinquished legal headship not only of all creation to the devil but also of his family to his wife. So, when a couple engages in premarital sex, the man, in essence, gives himself to the woman, and when the vows are taken, a two-headed dragon is born. This is true simply because man still has a God-ordained right of headship, and the woman has legal right because of the relinquishing. All birth defects are caused by sin, and even in nature, anything with two heads is a birth defect and usually doesn’t live very long. In like manner, neither will the marriage live very long unless God intervenes. The woman loses respect for her husband because of his lack of self-control, and the man feels rejected and powerless and usually walks around with pent up anger towards his wife, himself, and God.

Let’s back up just a little and talk about this “unfathomable” damage. Remember the statement about the woman becoming acclimated to her husband? This is true for any man she has sex with. She becomes acclimated to things like: his touch, his voice, his mannerisms, certain phrases, and etc. So, whenever the woman does get married, she automatically brings confusion to the union because all the previous acclimations will cause her to misread her husband. And this confusion multiplies with the more acclimations she has experienced. Plus, she will blame the husband for not acting right, and the man gets increasingly frustrated because his wife responds better to another man’s signals and not his own. This same confusion is also reflected in the woman’s frustration for seeing her husband not responding or responding differently to the same signals she used in the past with other men.

Another area of “unfathomable” damage is in the area of transferal. It is a proven fact that with any encounter, you are having sex with all the people that person has experienced for the last seven years. This is why S.T.D.’s are so prevalent and easily passed in our society. This fact is also true in spiritual transfer. The Bible says that in a Godly marriage the sins of the fathers are passed down to the third and fourth generations. Think about how much this is multiplied when multiples of partners has transpired. Any demonic activity and/or family sins get passed on from one encounter to the next and eventually on to the children. Image, for example, if either you or your partner or your or your partner’s ex’s have had prior homosexual experiences and/or any other perverted experiences. what kind of possible effects do you think that could have on your marriage or on your children and even grandchildren? The damage is exponential at best. At the very least, there are two things that automatically happen in an unwed act. One is adultery is committed the future mates of all involved. And two is the woman’s future husband’s right to the fullness of God’s blessing in experiencing a proper blood covenant with his wife has been stollen from him.

Considering all the resulting damage of these premarital accounts, no wonder why death was the only answer under Levitical law and still is for the unsaved. Now, Jesus with his deliverance is the only real answer. I sincerely suggest for anyone with any past encounters to consult with someone who specifically knows how to deal with demonic oppressions and unholy soul ties in order to receive true and full spiritual cleansing and deliverance. This will help to prevent a diseased marriage before it even happens not to mention bring peace to a seared conscience. I would even go so far as to suggest that anyone with these unholy connections be made to participate in this type of counseling before even considering marriage (the better the cleansing before marriage, the better the marriage).
By DeWayne Sumner